I have had some of those moments when I let sin creep back into my life and when I take a step back and look everything inside of me cringes. I understand mistakes are mistakes, but it always breaks me down when I see the sinful nature win in the battle of spirit vs flesh. I feel like this year 2011, has started off so great, and I have been surrounded by God’s blessings and provisions in so many different areas. It has been unreal the doors and opportunities opened and I really feel like it’s been God telling me that he is faithful to reward when we are faithful to follow him.
Woah.
Just this moment, right now as I just typed that sentence, I suddenly feel like such an idiot. I feel like I am living in such a way believing it is my actions that are what define me in the eyes of the Lord. I know that isn’t the truth. I know there is nothing I can do to make God love me less. And in reality, maybe this struggle with sin and battle with conviction is what God is using to draw me closer to him. He’s screaming my name, he wants more and more of me. I understand that the beauty of Christianity is the relationship with our creator and savior, but so often I am getting lost in trying to be my own savior. Trying to pursue perfection when I know my sinful nature will always make itself known.
[Lightbulb] All he wants is relationship with me! This is where I am allowed to feel like crap, not for my struggles and sinful nature, but with the reality that I, Brittany Ritzi, have not been pursuing the relationship with my creator, my Abba Father. Lord forgive me, I’ve kept myself so busy trying to be this perfect image and representation of “Christian” Brittany.
[Reality Check] Who am I really being or becoming if I do not maintain and establish my own relationship with the King who is madly pursuing me?
Time for a new kind of reset. Not a reset of counting my sins one by one, but a reset of becoming the person I want to be by taking the time and really pursing my greatest pursuer. If I am in relationship with the Lord and spending time in his presence it rids the need to count my actions as anything more than grains of sand that Christ washed away at the cross.
From the raw heart of Ms. Brittan
Heart of Brittan 